Really Svetlana? I hate you.

My dear reader knows that my phone hates me.  It retaliates with a vengeance at the most inopportune times.

I have decided to name my phone.  Something that is female (she is bitchy and has a proclivity to talk about vaginas – go ahead and click on that link – it was a good story); something that is kind of bad ass (she knows no shame and speaks her mind).  I have landed upon Svetlana.

I’ve already established that I am not working any more today.  My co-worker feels the same.  The first sign was that she used the sentence “And by WTF, I really mean, that’s what you probably want to say.” This got my attention, so I texted her….and then Svetlana happened.

Me: Dude.  Did you just use the phrase WTF in conversation with a college kid?

Coworker: Yes.  Yes I did because honestly, this sucks balls.

Me: Yeah, I’m kinda over this whole portal mess.

Coworker: No shit.

Me: That is one reason I’m procreating as much as possible today.

Coworker: Nice.

Me: You should try it.

Coworker: Nah. I’d rather just sit here and play on facebook.

Me: I’m doing that too.

Coworker: Poor guy, does he know you aren’t paying attention?

Me: Sweet baby moses.  I’m sorry.  I meant procrastinate.  I don’t procreate at work.

Coworker: I was afraid to look into your desk area to verify, but I was pretty sure that was what you meant.

Me: #$%!^WTF Svetlana.  I hate you.

Coworker: Who is Svetlana.  I hate her too.

Me: My phone.

Coworker: Svetlana sounds like someone that likes to procreate at work.

Me: I’m putting her in my purse, so that won’t happen.

Coworker: Sveltana sounds like someone that would like to be put in the dark.

Me: Damn it. Svetlana will go on my desk and sit under the post it notes until she finishes her time out.

Coworker: Word. Get that bitch.