My sister receives multiple automated phone calls from a local orthodontist reminding her that her four kids are due for an appointment on a specific day and time. My sister has no kids, just animals. Here, we meet Hershey.
Sister: Guess who called?
Sister: Dr. Kim
Me: Great! Dr. Kim can I bring my kids in? I only have 2.
Sister: Well yes of course. Please come by now if you can, some delinquent mother of four is yet to bring her kids in…in spite of multiple auto reminders.
Me: Excellent. Doesn’t that delinquent mom know the value of her kids’ dental work? How else will they blaze through toddlers and tiaras? GASP!
Sister: Well stated. What are their names?
Me: Hunter and Hailee
Sister: Oh of course…. keeping with the H theme. Very trendy. They will fit in splendidly.
Me: Hailee won’t take off her tiara. Can you work around that?
Me: are you saying lol? or….?
Sister: Sorry that was Hershey. He says hi.
Me: Hi Jethro.
Me: Sorry! I meant Hershey.
Sister: You need to eat more chocolate and less redneck if Hershey auto corrects to Jethro. What – do you hear banjos?
Me: Shit it.
Sister: Really mature.
Me: NO! Shut it! Not the other! And I don’t eat rednecks….
Sister: Uh-huh….. run faster, the banjos are louder. Just cause you don’t eat them doesn’t mean they won’t eat you, white meat.
Me: Hailee darlin, take off the tiara! Mama needs a weapon!
Sister: bahahaha. Like you would have EVER farted with a crown for mom.
Me: I do not flatulate.
Sister: That was way better as fart not part.
Me: Tiaras. My weapon of choice.
Sister: They killed me more than once.
Me: What? Why?
Sister: Ass hats.
Sister: Whatever. I give up. Auto texts are not playing nice with me. And, Hershey wants a tiara.
Me: aka ass hat?
Sister: I love you.