Have you ever been driving peacefully along, actually enjoying the beautiful day, then BAM! This dear reader is what happened to me on Saturday. There is no fun story here, just a photo of a very sad tire and the story of how I am woefully inadequate on cars….and a slightly snarky “company not to be named” rep.
Notice the nice pile of rubber I left? Nice.
Call to Car Company:
Me: I need help. I have flat tires and it is raining. I’m alone – I am in the middle of a major intersection and I can’t move.
Me: I have flat tires. Can you help me? I’m a Car Rep Company member.
Rep: Are your flashers on?
Me: Um. Yea. And I’m out of the car. I am huddled on the side of the road. Can you send someone out?
Rep: Sure. Do you have an umbrella?
Me: (totally caught off guard) No….does your service provide that too?
Rep: No. Just thought you’d be more comfortable.
Me: Ok. Well can you just send someone out?
Rep: Certainly. Do you have a poncho?
Me: No. No poncho, no umbrella, no newspaper to hold over my head, no rain bonnet, no rain proof material. I just need assistance, PLEASE.
Rep: Are your doors locked? Are you out of your car in case it is involved in an accident?
Me: No, the doors aren’t locked, but I doubt anyone will steal a car with flat tires. Also, yes, I am out of the car as I said.
Rep: What make and year is the car?
Me: I knew this! I answered properly…
Rep: Ok. Well are your tires locked?
Me: I have no idea?
Rep: How are your lugnuts?
Me: (increasingly frustrated) I DON’T KNOW. I can text you a photo. That’s all I can do.
Rep: How are your lugnuts?
Me: I DON’T KNOW.
Rep: Do you have a spare.
Me: Yes, one.
Rep: Do you have tools?
Me: What kind of tools? Probably not. I think I have a nail file and nail clippers.
Rep: How about a tire iron or a jack?
Me: NO. Look, I’m a girl. I get it. I know nothing about cars. I’m tool-less, rained on and flat.
Rep: Chance it is.
Me: CHANCE?! What the hell? I have no idea what you are talking about. I am late for half a dozen things. Chance, fate or whatever you want to call it, I am not in the mood to be reminded of what’s responsible for this incident at the moment.
Rep: Ma’am, the mechanic in route, his name is Chance.
Me: Oh. Sorry.
Rep: Happens all the time.
Me: Perhaps you’ll choose different wording next time.
Rep: Not likely. Chance is on his way to you in ten. Do you need to hold the line?
Me: No. I’ll stay here under the small road sign I found.
Rep: You should really consider having an umbrella for such occasions.
Me: Screw you. (Ok I didn’t say that, but I really wanted to.)
Me: (for real) Thank you for the advice.
Rep: That’s why you subscribe. Call us back if you have any problems.
15 minutes later Chance arrived. He did not have an umbrella for me. Although he did let me sit in his truck. God bless Chance.