Dear Sir

WARNING: This post is slightly mean spirited.  But, if you threw up weekly due to this, you’d understand.  I’m not exaggerating.


Dear office mate:

This is the second time this week (mind you it is Wednesday) you have caused me to literally vomit in my mouth.  You truly smell.  I mean this nicely, really I do, but you are offensive.

I have to believe that you are either 1)custom to or 2) love the stench of body odor, strong coffee, vinegar and raw sewage.  Otherwise, why else would you live like this?

If neither of the two aforementioned reasons are correct, I am left to draw my own conclusion (confirmed by the way you keep your office, your lack of attention to your work and your inability to sneeze without spraying the entire desk): a lazy slob who thinks standing in the shower and turning around twice = clean.

In case you missed it, here are 5 basic rules for you.

  1. You must use soap.
  2. You must scrub your bits that may or may not be covered with your fleshy rolls.
  3. You must wash your dirty bits more than once.
  4. You must not wear the same outfit three days in a row, unless you wash it between wearings.
  5. You must use deodorant, daily.

If you can please follow even one of those rules, I feel my vomit weekly quota will decrease.  Although some may call this a lovely diet, it is not a fun way to exist. Also, I am really sick and tired of Febreezing my office every time you walk by.  This is getting expensive.

Hugs from a distance,




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