The Land of the Google and the Bing

As I have said, I spend a lot of time on the phone, mostly with people who whine or do not understand what I’m saying.

Here is the most painful conversation – ever. My apologies to any septuagenarian with web skills.

Caller: I have two “intranet” addresses for you.  Which is right?

Me: Well, there is only one web address for our organization.  What do you have?

Caller: *changed to protect*  http://www.StuffICantPostOnFacebook.com and stuffadmin@wordpress.com

Me: Um.  You have an internet address and an email address.

Caller: What’s the difference?  Which one is right?

Me: Both are correct; however one you use to find a page online, and the other to email.

Caller: Which one uses the Google or the Bing? I need to forms.

Me: (pounding my head on my desk) You need to forms?

Caller: Yes. I need to forms. This note says so. “I NEED TO FORMS.”

Me: Do you need two forms?

Caller: NO! Just the to forms you can find in the Bing.

Me: Perhaps you should allow a more web-savvy member of your organization handle the form or forms you need? Have her call back and I can direct her properly.

Caller: I AM PRESIDENT. This is MY job! I am computer illiterate, and I move that we stop this online nonsense.  Paper is the way. When are you sending me my forms so I don’t have to troll through this lala land of Google?

Me: Ok. Well, the forms are found on the address with the w’s in it. Currently we are not sending these forms out via mail. If you would like to request paper copies of the forms, I can leave a message for our executive.

Caller: Hmph. No. I’ll struggle through it.

Me: Ok. Well thank you for calling.

Caller: I have more questions.

Me: (slitting my wrists with the letter opener) Ok. What can I help you with today?

Caller: How do I print?

Me: I’ll have to transfer you.

Seriously y’all.  I couldn’t handle it.  I transferred her to my unknowing coworker, who came to my cubicle and strangled me.  After work, she and I plan to do a shot or shots…of Jack.  Fair enough. Her conversation was much like mine, except she had to explain what a PDF is and why you can’t save it online…unless you have something like a print driver….. and how do you print if you don’t even have a printer?

Moral of the story: there should be an age restriction on any job that requires you to effectively dwell in the “land of the google”.

Our first year paperless.  God have mercy on us as we step right in a steaming pile of Bing.

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