I had an awful weekend. The result was me fleeing to a neighboring state that was void of all things stressful. Well….so I thought.
I took the hell dog with me. We will call her Sausage (because she looks more like a sausage link than a dog at this point). Sausage was in a bad mood and pretty much bit at the air and screamed at me the whole way. I took her with me into a store and where I conducted some serious retail therapy. Apparently this was not acceptable because the heavens opened up and torrential rains were pouring down. Me, the healthy one, parked all the way out at the end of the parking lot. So me, my purchases and Sausage had to brave the sideways rain and my newly coiffed hair. There is no recovering from that. When I got everything into the car, I had to dry Sausage. A prissy dog, Sausage was not ok with her wet mane (also recently coiffed). I managed to get her mostly back to normal, except for her tail. Sausage’s tail looked like it had met a bad perm from the 80s and possibly a crimping iron from the 90s. Although Sausage is not my favorite furry animal, I did feel for her. Her eyes were screaming, “Damn you rain!” So was I. I looked horrible….and therefore no photos were not taken.
So that was traumatic, but it did not prepare me for what came next. GPS decided that I should take a scenic way home. Ok. That sounds ok – plus it is about half an hour closer…..oh how wrong.
Apparently GPS has a different definition of “scenic” than I do. Scenic, to my demented GPS, means windy roads, fog, and nothing but barns and trailers. I kept thinking, “My God…none of these dwellings would withstand the Big Bad Wolf. Yes, I referenced the Three Little Pigs.
Literally y’all, there was not a “real” home for almost 45 minutes. I grew up in a small town, so I have mega love for the non-urban life. However, this was not small, quaint town. This was drag you into a barn and murder you – no one would ever hear you scream territory. Also, it was eerie still. Not quiet and calm, rather it was the eerie kind of still that makes your skin crawl. And, since it had monsooned, there was a thick fog. And there was a bear. And a dog. You’ll see.
I realized that Sausage and I could be abducted and/or eaten by wolves or bears. I was momentarily happy that I didn’t look my normal, pulled together self. Perhaps this would help me blend in and deter whatever is out there.
I began to take photos as best I could while driving, solely to document my life and location in case I was abducted. Here is a random sampling. I did make it out alive….but I will never trust my GPS again….ever.