We Need More $@!%ing Curse Words

Please see:  Four Letter Words
Yes.  I’m a genteel southern lady…99% of the time.  That means that I do not normally utter four letter words.  However, call it the moon, call it my attitude, call it hormones….today I have the mouth of a sailor.

Here’s the funny thing.  No one here seems to give a damn that I have taken new words into my vocabulary today.  Perhaps it is because swearing is an intrinsic part of everyone else’s vocabulary, thus it seems second nature.

To me, when I swear it sounds like the first time you ever heard your teacher let loose. (Mr. C, sixth grade science teacher, after burning his arm hair off on my volcano for science fair, yelled on camera incidentally “GOD DAMN PIECE OF SHIT”.  This was quickly followed by a blushing smile and a quick run to the medical cabinet.  I won second place out of embarrassment I think.) Anyway…it’s like the world freezes for a moment and you literally pause because you are thiscertain that the world is ending and pigs WILL begin to fly at any moment. (And if that is the case, who wants to miss that shit?)

So.  Back to my theory.  I think we need new curse words that, once again, make people look for flying pigs or at the very least go “what ever happened to damn it?”

I say SHIT.  I say ASSHOLE.  I say FUCK.  Impressed? Still listening? Of course not.  Gone are the days where mere four letter words cause ladies to clutch their pearls in horror whilst fanning themselves.  As I said earlier, I can place the word fuck before pretty much any word and no one blinks an eye….except my mom.  Sorry mom.  Or if you are at church.  I don’t recommend the f-bomb at church gatherings.

Although I am not a big user of profanity, I do see that we have a need for it.  There really are some days where a demure “sonofabitch” doesn’t work.  Let’s face it.  Today, is one of those days for me.  There literally is no word that cuts the shit I have been in today.  Not one.  And this is a travesty!  Plus, some words simply make me laugh.  Admit it – the first time you heard someone use fuckface with full intent, you burst into giggles didn’t you.  I did.

As a relatively unseasoned profane-linguistics scholar, I need your help oh blog reader of mine.  We need new words.  I promise to attempt seasoning them into my vocabulary, if only while I’m cleaning cat litter.

Here is my one guideline:

The words must be real words, not dumb ass shit you make up.  For example, you can’t just say, “Fajr” is the new “ass” or “bitch”.  It should already be a word in our dictionary that has some connotation of dirty/bad/foul.

The gauntlet is thrown.  Is it possible to find the world’s new indecencies? Are there any words left seen as off-limits?  Please enlighten me.  How will I judge a newly instated curse word?

  1. It must be a solid, pop right out there word that is easy to pronounce.  Most inspired cursing I hear is after a few cocktails – aka you have to make it work for drunk people.
  2. I must combine nicely with most other nouns (ass-hat; bitch-face).
  3. It must sound good in the mouth of my old roommate. My roommate taught me the difference in curse word inflection, and introduced me to most of them.  Therefore, I bow to her utterances.  She can make pretty much any word both funny, foul and scary at the same time.  It is a talent.

I’ll update if I get any feedback.  Until then, get back to fucking work, bless your heart.  (Because I’m still a good southern girl. 🙂 )

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2 Comments

  1. Pingback: Just Come Out and Say It « Stuff I Can't Put On Facebook's Blog

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