Today was a pretty regular day, right up until the moment I had a friend send me the following text: “How much do you love me?”
Me: “Um. Are you in jail or the hospital?”
Friend: “Neither. But you will LOVE my ass when you see what I sent you.”
Me: “I’m at work chatting to tech support, so I can’t look.”
Friend: “DO IT. It was on my pinterest.com page, so I sent it to you. Trust. Totally a XXXX (she used my name) photo.”
Me: “Ok fine. Did you pin me or did you email me”
Me: “Ok. I’ll check in a few.”
Friend: “NO – NOW.”
Me: “Geez high maintenance…fine.”
So, I log in to the appropriate site, while chatting with the tech guy who has been boring me for hours at this point.
This is when I saw the below photo. Now, before you see it, please continue to read so that you can fully appreciate me.
The first thing you should know about me is that Adam Levine is my hero. I love him. Straight up. I love that man. I won’t go into a long story about why, but not all of the reasons are that he’s talented and hot. I’ve always had him on my celebrity “hall pass” list…. now I have further proof that he belongs on the top of that list.
The second thing you should know is that my office has no walls. Anything on my screen, if not minimized discreetly, is in full view of anyone.
The third thing? I am still on with tech support for a very tricky situation we are in at the office, which means I have to concentrate.
After this image popped on to my screen, I turned ten shades of red. Then, I think I blacked out because I don’t really remember anything until the drone tech guy screamed LADY! into my ear.
I could not minimize this image. No, apparently I had to sit and stare at it like I was seeing a man for the very first time. Literally, I think my head was cocked sideways. Enter my co-worker.
“WTF are you looking at?”
Me: My future husband.
Co-worker: “Is he naked?”
Me: Yes, but it is in an artistic way. Don’t judge me.
Co-worker: “Move over and zoom in.”
Tech support guy: Um, ladies, I can hear you. What are you zooming in on? You should not be zooming unless I say so.
Me and Coworker: RCA Dog pose at the screen, odd smiles, silence.
Tech guy: LADIES. What has you so distracted?!
Me: “Abs.” Coworker: D*#$
Tech guy: silence
Me: I think there is some interference on the line. Can I call you right back?
Tech guy: of course. XXX ext X.
So, I smacked my co-worker for making me be so unprofessional at work and for using an un-work word on the phone with the tech guy. She probably gave the man a heart attack. Then, I smacked myself because…. well I just needed to.
I got back on text with my friend.
Me: “Jesus. Are you trying to kill me at work? I won’t lie, that would be an ok way to go.”
Friend: “I knew you would love it. Did you use an obscenity?”
Me: “Not out loud, but I thought some things.”
Me: “OMG that nail color is not what I would have selected for this photo.”
Friend: “I call your BS on that one.”
Me: “Heard. I will never repeat what I was thinking. You can’t make me.”
Friend. “I’m coming over with wine.”
Me: “Damn you. I have to get back to work now.”
Friend: “You know wine makes you spill your guts right?”
Me: “Yes. I’m aware. Really, I have to go now.”
I knew immediately that the photo must be shared, but there was no way I had the guts to show it on any page associated with my actual name… unless it means I can play the role of hand model in this photo. I won’t lie. I’d do pretty much anything for that role.
So dear reader, I took to the blogosphere and posted this photo. Something this
naughty good should not be simply stashed into the back of my email for random re-discovery one day. It deserves its own post.
Although there is no real nudity, I would not recommend you look at this while at work, your local library, your kid’s computer, or my parent’s computer (and perhaps yours too, but definitely mine are on the no-go list.)
Scroll on down. I need to have a moment to compose myself…..then I have to call back the tech support guy.
Photo Credit: I have no idea, but I will happily add if someone knows.