I pride myself on being a classy lady, particularly at work.
Today, I blew that out the window.
I was sitting at my desk, minding my own business, when out of nowhere a spider drops STRAIGHT down my shirt. Seriously! The damn thing had better aim than most men I know!
What do I wish I did? Stand up, flop out the bottom of my shirt, release the spider and sit back down.
What actually happened:
- I feel something drop down my shirt. I look down and see a fuzzy ass spider.
- I leap up and scream at the top of my lungs, sending a coffee mug flying. Thank God it was empty. Rest in peace mug, you were a fave.
- Notice the spider has crawled into my bra.
- Begin to pull the TOP of my shirt down to evict the spider from my chest, in the middle of the office.
- Realize I’m disrobing only after I hear the sole male coworker here today say, “Um. Can I help you with that?”
- Realize that this is probably the most the coworker has ever seen of a woman before. (Yes, he’s THAT guy.)
- Become horribly embarrassed.
- Realize the spider is still in my bra.
- Scream, I’m so sorry!
- Flee to the bathroom, get spider out of my bra and flush it.
The only positive spin I can take on this is that I made the coworker’s day. Also, I didn’t get that far into the disrobing…in my hot evening dresses, I have shown more of my cleavage.
But, the more I think about it, the more I’m confident it was the gangster squirrels from last week trying to send me a message. I guess I’m lucky. The spider could have had a shiv. That would have been worse. Maybe. Ah hell… No. That would have been way better than this. I would really like to hide. In a hole. Well played squirrels…. you best watch your backs.