Today has been one of those days. Without boring you to tears, suffice it to say that I am in great need of wine after work. Days like this makes me say “Oh God, I’m seeing roosters.” Why? I’m glad you asked! Allow me to share this fantastic story with you.
My office holds a convention of epic proportions. When this happens, three of our staff work round the clock. Literally, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, there are at least two of us in the office working. Why? Well, that’s a whole other story for another day. However, given what it is, we work shifts. We work until we can’t see straight, then one goes home to sleep for a few hours and the other comes in. That’s how we roll. For the purpose of this story, we need names. Here’s the cast of characters:
Coworker 1: Beth
Coworker 2: Mary
I had come in to relieve Beth. We got sidetracked and she didn’t leave right away, rather she went on a coffee run for Mary and I. When Beth returned, I received a call on my cell. Here is what happened:
Beth: Um. Jane, to the window.
Me: Yeah, ok – what’s up?
Beth: I see a rooster.
I flee to the window and stare outside. I see nothing….nothing at all save my poor coworker looking bedraggled, carrying coffee.
Me: Um….sweetie…. where?
Beth: Don’t you see it!? It’s in the bushes! Right there!!! Jane, I swear to God – just look!
Beth is staring into an abyss of bushes. I see no movement, no roosters, no fowl of any kind.
Me: Um yeah. I think I see it. Sweetheart, thank you for getting us that coffee. I’ll be out in a sec to grab it.
This was a lie y’all. I didn’t see squat. I was all – there is no rooster up in this place, this girl is seeing things and it is time to get her ass home. I, being the most well rested of the group, went to Mary.
Me: OH GOD. Beth is hallucinating!!! How long has she been here!?!
Mary: What the hell?
Me: She’s conjuring up roosters! It’s awful! She truly believes there is a rooster hidden in the bushes. I don’t think it is safe for her to even drive home. I think maybe we should set up a bed for her upstairs.
Mary: goes to the window and peers out Oh hell. I don’t see any roosters. Beth looks awful. Yeah….let’s put her upstairs.
Mary goes off to fix up a spot for Beth, I go out to assess.
Me: Beth, hon, here….let me take that coffee from you. I sat it down in a nice area free from fowl and hopefully Beth if she began to flail. Don’t judge me…I really needed my coffee. Now Beth, how long has it been since you slept?
Me: Well, Mary is setting you up a nice place upstairs to sleep. I think you shouldn’t be driving right now.
Beth: WHY. She said that with complete venom. She’s becomes obstinate. I realize she really IS tired….
Me: Well, hon. The rooster.
Beth: WTF!?! It’s real! Look Jane, look!!!
Me: looking into the bushes and seeing nothing
Beth: I…I…I thought it was real. She begins to cry – again, she must be super tired.
Me: It’s ok honey. Let’s go sleep.
After tucking Beth in, Mary and I worked like elves. We did a million things and then ran out of copy paper. I volunteered to go on the copy paper run. When I got to the car, my heart stopped still. I scream, “SWEET BABY MOSES!!!”
There WAS a rooster. Taunting me. In a bush. In front of my car. FOR REAL!!! I snapped a picture to prove my sanity….and then felt horrible for doubting Beth.…
I ran inside to grab Mary.
Me: OHMYGOD!!!! Beth wasn’t delusional! I saw it!
Mary: Shit. Really? You too??? Girl. You are supposed to be the insomniac. Janie, you gotta be better than this at no sleep…..
I show Mary the picture.
Mary: WHAT in hell is THAT doing HERE?!
Me: I know right!?
We scramble to get outside and the bird is gone. We search for it and BOOM. Bird had gone to another area. Behold:
After that, we didn’t go out for copy paper. We woke up Beth and told her all about our discovery. We collectively decided it was a sign from above saying we all needed food and rest. We shut down for 8 hours and did just that.
We never saw that rooster again. We are next door to a restaurant and a bus station, so I’m not sure which scenario played out. But I’d like to think the rooster was a sign…. and that after teaching us all that we were being too serious, Rooster made his happy way back into the woods and continues living a long, wonderful life.
So the next time you work well over 100 hour work weeks, look out for the rooster. If you see him, go home. Don’t even question it. Just go….lest he flog the hell out of you.
Today, I’m seeing roosters. I think it’s time I heed my own advice.