Where’s my Wine?

I think today is going to be one of those special kinds of days….you know, the kind where it’s 5pm and you go WHAT the hell was that about – and where is my wine???

First of all, its Monday….in my busy season…and the holidays are coming. This calls for all sorts of trouble.  The first call of the day was from a young lady seeking contact information about another member.

Me: What’s the last name?

Caller: Levine, Lavato, Lava, Lobotomy

Me: Pardon?

Caller: Yeah. I can’t pronounce it or spell it.  It starts with an L and it sounds kind of famous.

Me: Ooo…k  then….

Note: The real last name was something like Lazavo. When I told this to PIC, she said, “She should have just said lasagna, that’s way closer than lobotomy.” I love my PIC…. 


Second call of the day:

Me: May I have your name, please?

Caller: Arian – like the nation, but spelled different.

Really??!? I don’t even know where to start with this one….


Third call of the day:

Caller: I have a problem with my portical.

Me: Login portal?

Caller: POR-TI-CAL, did I stutter?

Me: no ma’am


Before I share the last memory of my day, there are some important things to note: I am a ballet dancer (was for almost my whole life thus far) and have been in the Nutcracker and played all the lead rolls for more years than most people have even seen the Nutcracker. My boss knows this, hell – everyone I know knows this about me.  Even if this wasn’t the case, I swear to God I have not lived under a rock for the last 30 something years.

Me: Clara submitted a birthday on the OP calendar – she was born December 24. That’s pretty cool!

Boss: I bet she is named after Clara…in the Nutcracker.

Me: Haha- yes, I can certainly see that!

Boss: Because the Nutcracker’s main lead is a girl named Clara.

Me: pause: Yes….

Boss: And the Nutcracker takes place at Christmas.  Like our Clara’s birthday.

Me: longer hesitation pause: Um… yes.

Boss: So that’s the reason our Clara may be named Clara.

Me: insert big, fake pageant grin, voice dripping in sarcasm: I totally get your point now. Thank you.

Boss: You are welcome. (And she’s serious y’all- she came and hugged me and warmly patted my arms.)

Me: continue to smile, all the while thinking OH MY GOD ARE YOU REALLY THAT FREAKING DENSE…or do you think I am?


Where’s my wine?





  1. I feel your pain. I get REALLY cranky when people treat me like I am dumb. That was one of the big problems with my last job. For example, my boss kept sneaking out early every day, whispering as she left, “If you need anything, call me on my cell.” Yes, she had a baby at home but no where did I see the rule that people with babies got to leave early while still being paid for a full day. This was not the only thing she did to get out of work early. I began to feel like she must have thought the rest of us were stupid for not scaming our work place like she was. So happy I am not there anymore!

  2. Ok as for the Clara/Maria part of the Nutcracker, ok your boss has your wine and you need to get it back BEFORE it is ALL gone :-).

    As for etiquette, I have a joke for you, it has to do with southern charm, such that it is.

    Two women are sitting together at their 25th reunion, the first woman (Kelly) is telling her old friend/rival about all her husband has accomplished, the trips that he has taken her on, the house they have, etc. to each of these great things her companion simply replies, with complete southern charm, that comes so sweetly acrossed “well aint that nice” and always with a smile. 🙂

    Once Kelly is done telling her about all she had been up to and how important she was she condecendingly asked, so what have you been up to, her friend/rival replied, well we arent as accomplished as you, but my husband did send me to etiquette classes where I learned how to say “F*** you, in polite society”

    “really?” how do you say it Kelly asks really wanting a new way to put down her lower friends, the rival responds, “you just reply to most things said ‘well aint that nice”.

    You can use that for your friends/boss, and anyone else that has not heard or seen this joke, hope it helped you find your wine 🙂

  3. Pingback: I Think I’m Down By One « Stuff I Can't Put On Facebook's Blog

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