I’m a ball of nerves today. Why? Well, I am waiting impatiently to find out about a job. I’ve had two interviews, presentations…. I feel confident! But….now I wait. I suck at waiting. I keep checking my phone like I’m a teenager waiting on a boy….which I am actually doing for that reason too….but I digress.
I can’t sleep, so I log in to chat. Low and behold, my good college friend is there. I tell my friend about my nerves. She’s nervous too. And here’s what happens.
Note: I am pretty sure neither of us slept in the last four days. Me due to nerves, her due to…being due actually. I have changed all the names in this chat session that began around 3am. This was uproariously funny around 4:30. Maybe its not. I’m still working on no sleep. Anyway, M is my friend, Alex is my godchild, Dean is my to be born next godchild, I is…well.. me.
M: I want to know the moment you have news. I even made Alex pray for it tonight. “And please help those sweet people at the hospital realize that Aunt I is the best thing that has ever crossed their doorstep”
I: you are fantastic and wonderful
M: Then you may really like the next part. We said “and please help a hunky and great doctor realize that my Aunt I would complete his world”
I: or the one hunky male i like now…..
M: I don’t care what his name is, or if he’s a doctor…Alex and Dean are going to call him Uncle Hunky.
Uncle Hunky, why do we call you that when your name is Joe? Uncle Hunky, why does mommy laugh til she cries every time we say your name?
I: can’t – breathe – laughing- loudly…but… you know that’s partly why i’m up still.
M: Did a want him to be future uncle hunky hurt you?
I: no…. just me wanting clarification on things that i can’t get in to right now. if this doesn’t work, i’m done. no uncle hunky. i’m done with relationshits. i’m gonna convert and be a nun.
I: thanks for laughing at my nun potential!!! i totally could. honestly though, i am just tired of waiting for someone to say i’m his. to want me the way i want him….i think the nun thing has potential. i’m a good girl – i pray a lot anyway. i would miss wearing my pradas though….
M: Wait. You didn’t mean to make a pun?
M: Relationshits. It’s fitting for you darling.
I: ha! I didn’t mean that. but yes. relationshits. it’s amazing how one little letter changes the whole word. i’ve dealt with too many relationshits. wait. i said shit and nun in the same sentence. does that mean i can’t be a nun even if i didn’t mean it?
I: Shit. Plan C?
Alex woke up wailing and she had to go. I spent the rest of the night watching infomercials and a repeat of this movie.