Y’all know my PIC. Well, she shares the same first name with my other good friend…which is wildly confusing to most of the men in my life for some reason…and my mom…but I think she’s just half listening to me…..maybe the men are too…. but I digress.
I guess I should probably introduce her to you guys because although not as epic as PIC outings…. we have had a few interesting, blogworthy moments. For this blog, she shall forevermore be known as Taylor.
Taylor is one of those girls that is a little polly-pocket of sass. You don’t mess with her….. she’s all of 5 feet tall, 115 lbs, but she’ll take you down – in her pearls and cardigan. She is sweet and southern, with an accent to match. She is the kind of lady who is quiet and reserved until she knows you….or has vodka…but that’s a whole other set of stories.
Taylor was one of my friends that I lost to the unfortunate debacle of speedbump. (That’s what PIC calls Paul. I’ll have to ask her if it’s ok to say why. But yes. He was a speedbump in my otherwise beautiful life. I’m over him and happily so.) I’m so very happy Taylor is back in my life. And… I am happy we still wear the same size because she has fabulous taste and I’ve missed her closet as well. 🙂
Today, Taylor texted me to see if I had plans with anyone for Valentine’s Day. Here’s what happened:
Taylor: Do you have any V-day plans?
Me: IDK. Maybe. No one special though. You?
Taylor: Yes. My guy is cooking dinner for me. Are you ok?
Me: Oh totally. Regardless of what I do, it’ll be better than last year… or the year before where I was asked to leave the restaurant because speedbump acted like an asshole.
Taylor: He’s a turd.
Me: Yeah he is.
Taylor: And you know what they say about turds?
Me: Um….that if you act like a turd, you have to go lay in the backyard.
Taylor: That is SO much funnier than “they stink”. hahaha
Me: I try.
Taylor: Paul is a turd, turds belong in the backyard…therefore Paul belongs in the backyard with the rest of the turds.
Me: Who isn’t cleaning up their turds? Why are there so many in my backyard? I don’t even own a dog!!! I need a sign that says NO TURD DUMPING. I HAVE PLENTY.
Taylor: hahahaha. I’m dying…..
Me: I love you darlin. Have a great v-day with the boy…. and I promise to stay turd free.
Taylor: Bout time! But if the turd is pretty, I know you. All bets are off.
Me: I’m rolling my eyes at you. I don’t know the emoticon for that. I swear on my unborn child….no more turds. If I falter, you and PIC and behead me.
Taylor: Harsh, but suitable punishment.
So… my dearest readers….please be Turd Free. And if you see what asshat keeps dumping unwanted turds in my backyard? Tackle her and hold her til I get there.