Let’s Play.

Most innocently I was tagged by a fellow blogger to answer some questions.  Or so I thought.  I will answer the questions, but I first have to explain what happened.

Y’all know I hate clowns.  I’d rather give birth without meds to a 20 pound child than deal with them.   So, my sweet fellow blogger SzaboInSlowMo tagged me in a post.  When I clicked, what I saw scared the ever living holy crap out of me.  I screamed,  flipped over backwards in my chair and had to blame an imaginary spider for my behavior.  What did I see?  That ATROCIOUS clown from It.  Yeah…that totally happened.  It was worse than the time the Eat Me lady was at my window.   Regardless, I promised I would answer the questions, so here goes.

Here are the rules:

  1. Post the rules.
  2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post.
  3. Create 11 new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
  4. Tag 11 people and link them to your post.
  5. Let them know you’ve tagged them.

And now for my question/answer session:

1. What is the last thing that made you laugh out loud?

Last night PIC and I were walking around discussing our day.  She always makes me wheeze with laughter.  Last night she told me a story that involved the phrases “Why God Why”, “Mama, Where’s my Pencil”, “I’m Afraid of Rain”, “And Other Fine Establishments” and “I Used to be Rich”.  It that made me cry. She has a really fun job. I should totally have her guest post.  Y’all would LOVE her.  You think my stories are funny? Oh hell honey… wait til you hear PIC.  Her delivery is impeccable.

2. Which sitcom family, new or old, most resembles YOUR family?

Without question, I grew up in Beaver Cleaver land.  Quintessential, idealized life.  Simpler times (small town); strong core values and ethics; trust everyone always to do what’s right.  In a lot of ways that was a cool way to grow up.  In a lot of ways it screwed me up.

3. Do you like your first name?  You don’t have to tell what it is–just WHY you like or don’t like it.  And if you don’t like it, what do you wish you had been named?

I do like my first name! I have a very common first name, but it suits me.  I used to hate it growing up because I was always one of four or five in class; however, of all of us?  I was always just called by my first name.  I never got the whole first name last initial thing from teachers or peers or anyone really.  I guess that must mean I’m an original, even if I do share my name.
4. What’s the last stupid thing you did?

Did you read the first part where I fell over in my office chair? Yes.  That was it.
5. You can have only one of these:  Looks, Fame, or Fortune.  Which do you choose and why?

Fortune.  You can buy looks with fortune and who really needs fame? Wow….I’ve never answered that so honestly before.  How great is being anonymous?
6. Name a musical artist that you like, but might cause people to make fun of you if they know that you like them.

Glee.  I’m in my 30s, so it’s not ok to be totally in love with a show about high school kids…so much so that you really want to invite all of them over to your house for dinner and gossip.  However, that’s where I sadly am.   I also know Glee isn’t really an “artist”….but I have all their albums and I sing them loudly….alone.
7. What is something you do that drives your significant other crazy?  If you have no significant other, substitute a parent or friend.

I always say I’m fine.  Always.

You: Hey, your arm just got lopped off by a zombie.  Are you ok?

Me: big smile, Sure, I’m fine.

You: Hey, you just lost your job.  Are you ok?

Me: Sure, I’m fine.

I have a very hard time admitting I’m not fine.  It’s like I fully believe that all hell will break loose if I admit weakness. All the people in my life know that “fine” is code for “I’m going to effing blow something up”. They all wish I’d just say that.  Most have tried to show me that it’s ok NOT to be fine.  But I still have issue.

So. If you ever do meet a girl who always smiles and says she’s fine? She probably isn’t.  She just wants you to hug her and say ok. She’ll know what you mean and be so grateful that you didn’t berate her about being/not being fine.

8. Name a celebrity that you just wish would go away.

I’m sorry…. and it makes me vomit a little to even use the word “celebrity” to describe this girl….but I hate Snooki.  I have no love for her, her poof, or rolled-in-doritos skin color.  I literally hurt myself trying to mute the TV or change the radio when her name is mentioned.  I hear she’s pregnant.  God help that child.

9. What adjective would people who know you most likely use to describe you?  Just one word.

Sweet.  Seriously, most of the time I’m like freaking sugar. I find the good in pretty much everyone and every situation, which means I can be taken advantage of if I’m not careful.  Come get you out of jail at 4am? Sure.  Call the girl you don’t really know. 

10. What’s your favorite smell?

I love so many smells…. but my most favorite, at this moment, is the smell of the ocean.  I think it’s because that smell symbolizes freedom, lack of stress, happy times and fond memories.  No in the can or candle smell even comes close to it….I’ve tried.

11.  What was your worst first date ever?

It’s not a secret.  I date a lot.  So when I say this is the worst date ever? You can be sure I’m sure.

I was set up on a blind date (strike 1) with a guy that I was told “worshiped me from afar for years” (strike 2).

All I knew about the guy (this was pre-google stalking abilities) was he was tall, nice body, cute and was in the PT program as a grad student. Sweet!  I lived in the sorority house at the time and was upstairs primping. I heard a horn honk.  No. Not just any horn.  This car horn played Dixie.

At first I laughed because what asshole has that horn?

Then I realized it was under my sorority house window.

And I laughed because what asshole doesn’t come in for his girl – rather just honks the horn.

Then I realized it was my date.

Every girl in the house was laughing hysterically…and those bitches totally pushed me out to meet him.

Ok. Weird horn, but nice guy? No. No he was not. He had the personality of a stump.  I’ve had conversations with walls that were more entertaining and genuine.  I tried my best.

Me: I’m really pleased to meet you. What do you want to do tonight?

Him: blink blink blink

Me: You look nice tonight. (He didn’t.  I lied.)

Him: I know.

Me: Oh…. well then.  So…I’m starving.  Would you like to go to dinner? (I wasn’t, but I was trying to make conversation.)

Him: Sure.

Dead silence in the car for ten minutes.  I tried everything.  We pull into a pizza buffet chain parking lot.  At this point, it was all you can eat for $1.99.

Him: Gets out of the car and heads towards the door of the restaurant stinky buffet place, leaving me in the car.

Me: O…k…. I quickly get out, smooth my skirt and scamper to catch up.

Him: Orders his buffet and pays, leaves me standing there.

Me: Um. I’ll just have a water. (I was a ballet dancer.  Pizza wasn’t really something I did much of, particularly on first dates while wearing a silk dress.)

Him: I thought you were starving.

Me: Yeah, pizza upsets my stomach (true fact). It’s fine.

Him: Well don’t pick at my cheese sticks because YOU didn’t pay.

Me: OK. No problem.

Fully silent dinner.  Then he gets up and starts walking away.  Is he going to the bathroom or leaving? I frantically determine he’s leaving. I scurry behind. We head to the movies, where he proceeds to pick out the most terrible film there (action+gore).

Him: So I’m seeing this. What are you watching?

Me: Um. I will see that with you….

Him: Ok, well pay for your ticket and let’s go.  But don’t buy any concessions. They are overpriced.

Me: *with a WTF look on my face* OK.

I sit in the movie and for some ungodly reason (how when someone had just been disemboweled) my stomach growled.

Him: You should have eaten.

Me: Yeah. Probably.

Him: Well. That’s not my problem is it.

Me: Take me home.

Him: But we are at the good part!

Me: F*@# it. I’m OVER this.  I’m out.

Him: Baby!  Please!

I walk fast as I can, praying he didn’t follow.  Unfortunately, he did.

Him: Look. If you’re gonna be this way I’ll take you home.  But I for one am having the best date of my life.

Me: HAHAHAHAHA!  WHAT!??  The hell?

Him: I mean this is awesome.  You are hot, charming, smart… best date ever.

Me: Exactly HOW many dates have you been on?

Him: Enough….

Me: Well, so have I. And sweetie, me storming out of  a theater? Not a good sign.

He took me home, tried to kiss me at the end of the night… I pushed him off and said, OH HELL NO.  Then I ran quickly away.  He called me incessantly and then spread a rumor that I was a big ol’ slut that wouldn’t date him because he wouldn’t sleep with me.  Awesome.

************

Here are the bloggers I’m tagging.  If you don’t want to be part of this, I totally get it.  If you do, or just need blog inspiration for a day, consider yourself tagged. These blogs are fantastic by the way- if you don’t read them, check them out!

Here are my questions for those of you I’ve tagged:

  1. Tell me about your worst date ever.
  2. What is your favorite blog post you’ve written lately?
  3. What is your ultimate guilty pleasure that you can’t tell anyone (or very very few people) about because they’d totally judge you (tv show, music, books, hobby, etc.)?
  4. What’s your favorite book or movie and why?
  5. We all have phrases we use over and over again.  What’s your current catch phrase?  Mine, for example, is “oh hell honey”, courtesy of a little old lady at my gym.
  6. Worst job ever.  What was it…and how did it end (or are you still there bless your heart?)
  7. What character in TV or movies most describes you and why?
  8. We all want to fly, be invisible or stop time.  But, what NON-traditional superpower would you like?
  9. What is the one life lesson you really wish someone had told you sooner?
  10. Tell me about the last time you saw, said or did something that made you go what the hell was that?
  11. Create your own question.

Happy Friday (yes, it’s Thursday, but I’m off tomorrow so this is my Friday!)  Happy Blogging and I look forward to reading your answers!

Love,

Me

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5 Comments

  1. Here are my thoughts as I read (because I know you’re wanting to know!) 😉 “please don’t let her show the clown. She won’t show the cloud. Whew, she didn’t show the clown. I knew she wouldn’t show the clown. I love the PIC stories, it reminds me of my own PIC and our stories. I grew up the same way, and feel the same way about it. I also have a name everybody else has… I never really minded, though. These are hilarious. I could never answer these questions publicly. Wait she’s gonna tag people at the end, isn’t she? Oh crap, she’s gonna tag me. She’s gonna tag me, I know it. I feel it. -Scans through- hmm, she didn’t tag me. Weird. Whatever. Wait, yes, she did. Ok, back to how to answer these questions “in front of” people that I actually know…Is it too late to make my blog annoymous?” There you have it 😉 I’ve decided to combine your questions and Searching For Middle Ground’s questions…. because I’d like to answer honestly, but I’d also like to stay out of trouble. At least a little.

    • Oh darling you KNOW I would never show the clown. In the name of all that is good and holy, I shall never ever post a clown on my blog. EVER. If I do, that should serve as the warning signal that:
      1) I have lost my mind.
      2) It’s the end of days and/or I’m a zombie and/or I’ve been attacked by a gangster squirrel/booty squirrel with a shiv.
      3) I’ve been hacked.
      4) I need someone to call 9-1-1 because I’m being forced to blog against my will. (And that’d be hard to call 9-1-1- if you have no idea where to send them. Hmmm…downside of an anonymous blog…) 😉

      I’m glad you have a PIC too!!! Yes – she is amazing and everyone should have one.

      And yeah…. you probably couldn’t/shouldn’t answer some of those publicly, but combine them and answer in public…that works too!

      And of COURSE I tagged you! 🙂 You knew I would lady!!! 🙂

      Stay out of trouble best you can, or don’t and then blog about it. Either way, have fun, be safe and I hope you had an amazing Easter!!!

      Cheers Dear!

  2. Pingback: Fine! « laborofwonder

    • hahahahaha 🙂 yes. i’m sure there is some cyber way of sending 911 to me if i send up the clown signal. hmmm. i’ll think on that…. and yes! easter was nice, but the whole weekend went way too fast. bless your hearts for colds! i had a massive allergy attack and looked kinda like i’d been hit with a baseball bat in the face on sunday… thank god for benedryl. i hope you and the gang feel better soon hon!

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