You know how you sit there mindlessly watching a tv show (aka doing laundry and making dinner while it plays in the background), and then all of a sudden you are like, “Hold up DVR! Rewind that…..were you totally just talking to me? Did I for real just complete that sentence without knowing it?” This was the case for your blogger here as I watched Glee on their quest for Nationals.
Yes. I’m a Gleek. I am almost freely admitting that these days. Mostly because I know it’s a high school show, but they deal with some issues that are very much adult and very much my reality. (And, come on, who doesn’t love a good smash up medley?) Before you read on, know this is not a sad-sack post. It’s a really happy post, just bare with me because it may not sound that way at the beginning.
Coach Beiste is a strong ass woman on the outside, but has a tender soul. She’s married to a son of a bitch who goes by the name Cooter. And, as if that wasn’t bad enough, he is the lowest form of male – he takes his anger out on her in all sorts of bad ways. I was in the midst of cutting tomatoes and hear this:
Cooter: Don’t leave me! You can’t hate me more than I already hate myself.
Coach Beiste: I don’t hate you! That’s the awful part of it, I love you! But what does that say about what I think of me?
Cooter: What are you going to do, huh? Just walk out on me?!
Cooter: Who’s going to the love you the way I loved you! Who’s going to love you now?!
At this point, without hesitation or thought, I looked up from my cutting board and said, in unison with Coach Beiste, Me.
I hit pause, rewound the scene, pumped my fist in the air to my new heroine Coach Beiste, and smiled. I’ve been in quite the introspective mood lately, likely due to long hours at work and getting to hold my brand new nephew that weighs a whole 4 pounds, 3 ounces.It’s amazing what looking into the clean slate of a newborn’s eyes will do to you.
I realized tonight that I played that exact scenario out hundreds of times with a different ending. But now? I DO love me. And that’s actually more than enough. Confetti, glitter……..whatever. I have myself and my PIC. And that, above all the other perks in my life? That is better than any boyfriend or job ever could be. I love myself enough to walk away from bad relationships, be they friends, boyfriends or professional. I have a PIC to pick me up when I’m broken and put me back together in way better shape than she found me, without hesitation or “I told you so” ever coming in to play. I swear that girl is an angel…
So, I’m just really grateful tonight. Sure. I could be sad, Lord knows I have my reasons why – we all do. But why be sad when I have SO much to be grateful for? Sure. I’ve kissed a lot of frogs. Well, maybe more than a lot……but that’s neither here nor there. And sure, I make less money now than I did when I got out of college over a decade ago. (AND OH GOD did I just say I graduated from college over a decade ago?) But, at the end of the day, I’ve found myself. I couldn’t have done that without the frogs of life (and of course help from my PIC.)
Now, as I pop open a bottle of wine, I toast to the frogs – boys, bosses and otherwise – that have made me who I am today: A damn fine lady. All this time I thought I was supposed to turn frogs into princes. Who knew those frogs, warts and all, would actually turn ME into a princess? 🙂
Love to you all,