As a kid, I was terrorized with stories about centaurs. Half men/half beast things that would eat me if I wandered off into the woods alone, didn’t finish my homework, had premarital sex or didn’t finish my vegetables. Thankfully, I’m still alive…..which should be proof that they don’t exist…..however, I still have an irrational shiver to all things half man/half beast.
Enter my workplace.
At random, these freaking things pop up. Check out what creeptastic creature was at the door today.
Coworker: What’s wrong?
Me: Who put that here?
Coworker: Someone dropped it off. I thought it was cute there.
Me: NO. There is nothing cute about a devil child….
Coworker: …with furry legs.
Me: I kind of hate you. And now I feel oddly inspired to sing Devil Went Down To Georgia.
Coworker: You’re safe. Devil doesn’t want your soul. It’s too twisted.
Me: Ah! You BITCH!
A few hours later I migrate into another room where I am met with another critter of man/beast proportions.
Me: OH JESUS GOD!!! WHAT THE…..
Coworker: Yep. That came in the mail today. I was going to put it on your desk, but I thought a sneak attack was better.
Me: I will NEVER bail you out at 4am again.
Coworker: Totally worth it.
Me: snarly look I am relatively sure these things suck your soul. If I come in as soulless succubus tomorrow, I’m going to be really pissed off.
Coworker: How exactly does that vary from your routine after work? I mean is it that abnormal for you to seduce men and then eat their….souls? Remember that weekend when….
Me: OK!! OK!!! I’m an evil succubus!!! SHUT IT!
For the first time in a long time, I had no words. My face got beet red, I shot a look at coworker, turned the devil beast around so it can’t see my eyes, then continued on about my day. For the record, I’m not a succubus. I’ll let you know tomorrow how I feel.