Taylor and I spent some time together the other day and, since she hasn’t been on the blog in a while, I thought I’d share two of the blogable stories.
I’m allergic to feathers. Taylor and I were discussing whether the pillows on the hotel beds were indeed feather or not. Note: This is after a few cocktails.
Me: They feel ok.
Taylor: Lay on one and let’s see if you die.
Taylor: What? I’m right here – I have your epi pen….you won’t DIE, but if you start to, I’ll be here to stab at you.
Me: Did you really just say you’d stab AT me. STAB. AT. ME.
Taylor: Oh now I feel bad. I really don’t want you to die. I’d miss you. I was just sayin’ that I could fix you. And then we’d know for sure if these were feather or not. I don’t like feathers either.
Taylor: Oh look! This one has a duck on it!
Me: Yeah….raising my eyebrows at her
Taylor: That must mean feathers!
Me: ….Or it’s their logo…. (hotel’s logo was indeed a duck)
Taylor: This is why I don’t drink. It makes me stupid.
Me: And a little evil….I think you just want to stab me with an epi pen.
Taylor: giggles and hiccups
Taylor used to work at a tanning salon when she was in college. Always the polly-pocket of sass, here is the story.
Taylor: Omigod. LOOK at her.
Me: Holy hell! She looks like a prune rolled in Doritos.
Taylor: She looks like the customer from the tanning salon that peed in trashcans.
Taylor: Yeah, she was upset at me once and peed in all our trashcans. So, I put a notice on her record so it flashed “PEES IN TRASHCANS” across the screen every time she came in.
Me: Nice…. she sounds charming! I bet you have some great stories.
Taylor: Yeah… the worst were the old men who wanted to shock me.
Me: Like …with a taser?
Taylor: NO with their behavior!
Me: What did they say?
Taylor: This one guy came in and (in her burliest voice) Will my d*^k burn in there?
Me: huge eyes WHAT?
Taylor: Yeah. I said to him, “Has your d*^k seen the light of day? If not, I suggest you put a sock on it.”
Me: literally fell in the floor laughing
Taylor: What? It’s true. Skin is skin.
Taylor: with a sassy head nod and smile Want me to stab at you with the epi pen?
Me: hahahahhahaha Seriously….can’t…. stop…. laughing….