Oh. Dear. God.

Bloggies!!!!  Oh how I missed you!  The new job certainly keeps me busier than the old one…. here is a post long past promised.


Oh. Dear. God.

Having come from an office of a rank, foul smelling dude (remember him?) I am no stranger to odd smells that make a day of dumpster diving (yes I did do that once….) smell like a partylite party.

At the new job, we don’t have smelly people.  So when I began getting a whiff of something odoriferous, I thought it must be PTSD (post traumatic smell disorder).  I was oddly whimsical about it.  Sigh.  Who knew foul smells could make one nostalgic?

However, the smell began to permeate my office.  I began feeling queasy.  I search around and find nothing.  As luck has it, I have an intern in with me.  She looks green as well.  We search.  About this time, I get up so that I can go find some Glade.  That’s when my hand accidentally knocks the hanging plant and the smell sends me violently bending over the trashcan.

Me: Oh. Dear. God.  What IS that?

Intern:  I think it’s in the plant. She says with disgust and fear.

Me:  I don’t know how that???…. but yes I think you are right.

I climb slowly up and unhook the plant from it’s chain…..gradually peak over the edge…..

Me: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Sweet baby Moses!!!!!!!!!!! I say as I began tottering off the chair and trying to keep the plant away from my face and yet NOT spill whatever it is inside making the odor.

Intern: WHAT!!!

Me: It’s furry!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do not drop the plant.  I do not flinch.  I hurdle over my desk (making all Olympians proud); dodge the intern; and go sprinting fast as I can to the front of my office.  I’m not sure why.  Perhaps I thought my co workers could help.  Perhaps I already had it in for the interim GM.  Perhaps I just needed it as far away from my office as I could.  Regardless, as I ran, the smell happily invaded the nostrils of each staffer in the office area.

Office Mate 1: Sweetie….. what are you doing with your plant?

Me: It’s dead and furry and bloated!

OM1: What?  then the stink hits OH DEAR GOD!  What have you done!?

At this point I have managed to stink up the office enough, create enough commotion, that the GM, the other office mates and security all happen to converge.

Security:  I heard screaming – you ok?

Me: NO.  It’s dead and furry and bloated.  Please remove it. I say as I thrust the foul plant toward the sweet, unknowing officer.

Security:  It’s not that WOAH!!!!! That’s awful!  What do I do with it?

Me:  I don’t care – just don’t leave it here.

Security: Should I take it outside?

Me:  I don’t care!!!!!

Security: gags OK.

I’m not sure what sort of critter it was.  Nor do I want to know.  What bugs me most is that I don’t know how it got there, how long it had been there….and why my plant dude who was here the day before didn’t notice it.  Perhaps it was  the Godfather horse head in the bed version from the gangster squirrel mafia.  I’m not sure.  But I’ve got my eyes open.

My office smelled of dead for a couple of days, but then became normal.  I now burn candles in here on a regular basis.  I was told it helped “soothe” angry members in my industry.  I’m not sure, but it sure as hell soothes me from gagging.

Until next time….





  1. Oh, how I’ve missed you! This was hilarious and again I shouldn’t be surprised that these things happen to you but a part of me is genuinely shocked!
    Hoping you have a fab Thanksgiving, lovely lady!

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