Remember Taylor? My sweet little polly-pocket of sass? Well, she recently went all Martha Stewart on her place and bought awesome decorations, lovely smelling candles, etc. She also has two pets: a cat named Lila and a dog named Max. Lila is a devil in a very long fur coat. She doesn’t mind and she doesn’t care. Max is young and dumb. Bless.
Today was one of those days where I’ve done nothing but meet. I do that here. We meet to decide when we meet next. It’s extraordinary what people do with time on their hands…..what they deem important now vs. what they did when they were actually in jobs. But I digress. After my meetings I drug myself back to the desk to check my never-ending inbox. I see this email from Taylor and almost pee my pants.
Re: Saturday plans
Okay- let’s see how it goes…I may need to crash. Lila got a wild hair to jump on the microwave. When she did, her belly hair drug through the candle wax in my wax warmer. I’m not sure how many times she did this as I was at work. All I know is there was no more wax in the warmer and Lila’s belly is coated in candle wax. F*%king a…because I’m going to have to shave her tomorrow…
Max is on my shit list too. He peed on and humped my Christmas Deer and also peed on my tree skirt, so it’s just been a nightmare at the apartment. I need a vodka or a Valium. Maybe both.
I hope you have a good day and I will see you later.
I’ve tried several times to reply and all I can do is sit here and laugh til tears stream down my face. I picture Lila with a shaved belly looking pissed off. I picture Max (a small-medium dog) thinking the Christmas Deer is now his girlfriend and being all sorts of mad when she no longer smells like him. But most of all I picture Taylor coming back to a home she left looking like something out of a magazine shoot. Fully believing it would be as she left it, but instead, seeing a cat with a wax belly and a Christmas Deer that wreaks of pee and Max. I picture the look on her face. The grasping of the pearls. And the string of obscenities that inevitably flew from her lips, followed by a mortified look around to ensure no one heard her utter such words.
God bless Taylor. She’s had a rough day.