Just…take it all in.

Good morning bloggies! I just logged back in to my site after a really long hiatus that’s due to a demanding work load and a basic lack of energy.  A lot has happened in the years I’ve been gone, so I have much fodder for posts.  As I was going through my draft folder, I unearthed this gem.  It took me right back to where I was almost exactly 5 years ago today.  Why I didn’t post it? I’m not sure.  Probably traumatized by it.  Now, however, as time does… trauma morphed into a snort fit of laughter.

Enjoy!

OH GOD.  This really did just happen…and I know I should be working rather than blogging, but I didn’t want to spare you guys one detail.

In order to appreciate the absurdity of it all, I must give you the back story.

My office mate has a rather putrid odor.  Not familiar?  Click here to see the letter I’d love to send him.  This is the same office mate that ripped his pants straight up the ass at work and wouldn’t go home to change them because… “um, why should I?”

His disdain for soap, basic hygiene and any sense of style aside, the first thing you think when you meet him is, “Wow.  He is wholly asexual.”  Honestly y’all, I’m pretty sure that if he wanted to, he could split and multiply.  I work in an office where really pretty people come in and out on a regular basis.  He doesn’t flirt, he doesn’t try to impress…and that’s both in and out of the office.  So, when the following happened, you can understand why I was both mortified and amused.

Me: Hello. I just need to grab these files.

Office Mate: Ba…uh…ba…ba…ba..ba..baw….. She’s a brick….. HOUSE…. She’s mighty mighty, just lettin it all hang out. Yeah your a brick….HOUSE….

Me: (deer in headlights look on my face – fight or flight response coming on – I don’t engage or acknowledge, which is hard because his knee is at my face.)

Office Mate: ‘s a brick….HOUSE. Your the one, the only one….

In abject terror, I get up from the file cabinet.  This was when he sneezes his spray sneeze all over the files in my hands….and probably me too, but I don’t like thinking about that.

He started laughing and said it was his new “song” (He’s in a band of middle aged crazy people that don’t sing as much as they do shout.) I just ran.  I guess when it comes down to it, fight or flight, I pick flight.  Stop judging me.

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