Beware the Ideas of March

Yes.  You read that correctly.  Beware the IDEAS, not ides of March.  Today is March 15, which is my busiest day of the year at work.  It’s the deadline for a million projects I handle all year long. Today, as of course it would be in my life, every idea is…let’s just say….horrible.

1) Coworker, not Beast, brought me breakfast this morning because she knows it is my day from hell.  It gets cold.  She goes to re-heat it for me in the microwave.  She forgets that said breakfast item is in a foil lined package. Fire in kitchen before 9:30am.  Bad idea to put foil in the microwave.

2) I just had a text conversation with PIC.  I asked her to  join me for pee drinks at my place on Friday before our outing.  I meant pre drinks.  Then I was talking about doing a phone interview as a maiming specialist.  That’s clearly not the job.  It’s marketing.  Not maiming.  Svetlana is just a bitch, though perhaps you could make an argument for marketing and maiming.  Regardless, it’s a bad idea to send incognito texts whilst trying to work and answer the phone.

3) Beast attempted to make fun of me and step kick broadway style through the office with her one crutch as a cane (she has a sprained ankle) as she delivered my mail.  She planted face first and now her chin is gushing blood.  Bad idea to make fun of me when you are clearly a bitch…because karma is too.

4) No lie.  I have to use the real last name here because it’s truly important.  Email reply to me from burnt biscuit coworker:

Her last name is Bangasser? Wow.  That must be rough….but I bet she gets a lot of dates.

Why was this a bad idea?  Because coworker hit reply all.  That wasn’t sent just to me, it was sent to Bangasser, my boss and a professor at Bangasser’s school.  Really bad idea not to watch your reply and reply all buttons.

5) I had a retching incident.  I walked into The Smelly One’s office after lunch.  He smelled so rank that I really did throw up in my mouth when I had to shimmy behind him to get into the files.  But I was so closed in that I had to hold it in until he rolled out of my way and I could jump up and run.  Bad idea to eat a big lunch, then go to the smelly guy’s office on the warmest day of the year thus far.

I declare today a mis-fire.  Can I go back to bed and start over?  Oh hell, that won’t work…if I have to do all this again I may cry.  I guess I’ll just lead by example and remind you all to beware the ideas of March… and the ides too, just in case.